ashley & company

Sunday Competitions

2009-01-26T20:03:00.004-07:00

For those of you who know the Smart clan - you know we can be extremely competitive with one another - just ask various in-laws who have married into the family - our actions were almost a deal breaker. I have even received a phone call or two from my sibling that lives in Argentina in order to settle a disagreement as to whom REALLY won the card game (no names are mentioned, but it doesn't take a nuclear phyisics degree to figure it out...)

So - why on earth do we foster these so called "family bonding" activities??? Because it's so freaking FUN!!! Last night - we ventured on a rousing game of Phase 10. Here's a list of the players:

Minday Udall, Annette Thompson, Mom, Matt Brown, Lindsay Brown (whom you constantly have to watch like a hawk b/c she thinks she's a sly cheater), me, and Grandma Pat (OK - she didn't really play - she served as the office card shuffler & dealer...we try to include anyone who may want to be apart of the mayhem.)

As the game ensued, the swear words were more frequent, mom's grunting noises going up decibals each round, and the cut throat skip cards threatening to break up relationships. The picture below pretty much encapsulates how "Christ Like" the actions of the players were...(I'd also like to point out that mom's expression doesn't exactly say "let's play nice" either)

Grandma the card shuffler, Lindsay, Matt, Mom, & Mindy

Never fear - we all leave as friends. Just as the intensity level may have reached a bursting point - Annette threw her cards down on the table and exclaimed "I'm not playing any more" just as she realized she was missing the latest Hallmark Hall of Fame movie that started 10 minutes previously (we tryed to persuade to stay by telling her that someone has already died in the show - where's it going to go from there - but she wouldn't relent.) That's the great thing about being a "Smart" and marrying into the craziness. We may be out for blood, guts, and use cut throat tactics to win the game (as exhibited each year in our kick off summer event of 'death match pool stick competition') but we always leave as friends & lovers. It's an intensity that we leave at the game table and it patiently waits for us to return each week...

Sweet Song of the South

2008-12-10T17:27:00.010-07:00

The more I visit the south, the more I love it. I made the trek this year over the busiest weekend for travel and went to see my Lettie in Greensboro, NC. Aside from me being one of her early Christmas presents, I made the request that this time when I came that we go to the Biltmore House in Asheville, NC. Nola (Lettie's mama) promptly got online, bought our tickets, and reserved our time for Friday - the day after Thanksgiving - for the 9:00 a.m. tour. I know what you're thinking - 9:00 a.m. - perfect time - not too early and not too late. Well - let me mention that there is a 2 1/2 hour drive tacked onto that which meant we were out the door and on the road by 5:30 a.m. Followed by a 6:30 a.m. breakfast stop at Bojangles, we were back on the road and to our destination in plenty of time. Although the morning hour was tough - kudos to Nola for booking us that early. We beat the crowds, took our time w/ the audio tour, and explored every nook of the Biltmore House open to the public.

For those who have not been to the Biltmore House - it should definately be on your top 100 of places to go and things to see in your lifetime. I was very impressed with the structure itself, let alone the grounds and even the history of the Vanderbilt family. Since we were there after the Thanksgiving holiday, the house is decorated in all of its Christmas charm. I love Christmas anyway and this home draped about with lavish Christmas trim only made it more spectacular.

Nola, Lettie, & Me at The Biltmore House

Just some of the amazing floral arrangements in the gardens

The architectural detail of the home is completely astounding

Lettie in front of The Biltmore House in the early morn

No - these are not dog turds - these are the amazing southern delicacy known as hush puppies. I get them every time I go to the south for a visit along with their barbecue.

This is Lettie demonstrating the best way to eat a hush puppie - with your mouth wide open

2008-11-10T17:13:00.007-07:00

It was a toss up between staying home Friday night & watching 4 of my nieces & nephews, or accompanying my fun friend Julie and her two girls to the Carrie Underwood concert. Thanks to her brother-in-law that won the tickets through a local radio station but couldn't use them - he gave them to her. So, she called me up & wondered if I would like to go & I jumped at the chance. Didn't know exactly what to expect - not familiar with a ton of Carrie Underwood - but I give the concert a big thumbs up...Miss Underwood has an amazing voice & she's a good entertainer. Plus, it was free. Even if I didn't like it I wouldn't be losing out on anything...it was a win, win situation.

The famous Carrie Underwood

Fun Friend Julie w/ her daughters Hayden & Zoie

Me w/ the real cuties of the night

All the girls...

Thanks Julie, Hayde, & Zoie for such a fun time!!!

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-02T08:58:00.007-07:00

So - I know it comes as a complete shock that I am actually updating my blog, but it's true. Hey - there's been way too much going on in my life the last few months to worry about keeping with blog-dom. But, I am rejuvinated and here's the latest...

I manage a really great dental office - but great I mean I work with doctors and staff that totally get in to Halloween. Thus, I did a "slave trade" with Annette (my mom) and she sewed me this fantastic costume while I took care of things around the house. I also need to throw a shout out to my Uncle Ken and Aunt Jayna who tracked down their famous "Cher" wig & then shipped it to me...it totally made the costume.

Me as the Gypsey or as Dr Haak proclaimed "Madam Zora from the movie Big"

Dr. Haslam as the Chick Magnet & Dr Haak as Vanilla Ice???

The staff @ Gilbert Family & Cosmetic Dentistry that dressed up

The Cowboy Way

2008-08-05T19:53:00.008-07:00

Meet Cade...2 yrs. old, exercising his individuality, and breaking all the fashion rules. However, I give him props for being such a trend setter & not caring about what others think of him. Really this is more of an act of independence and winning the show down I like to call "battle of the wills." I must tell you that his attire for the weekend was NOT a result of his mother dressing him, but rather his stubbornness to not be dressed. Finally the adults are exhausted from the fight to get him dressed and move on to other items that need attention.

This weekend I joined the Josh Smart family at their ranch. It was more of a "city slickers" experience for me, but I appreciate their patience and KNOW they must be desperate when they enlist my help.

I was assisting with the task of logging the cattle's ear tag number and vaccinating the new heifers born this summer. During a routine vaccination shot, a baby heifer got restless which in turn made me jerk my arm and the syringe I was using broke. So, I ran over to the tack barn to try and find new syringes. While in my haste, I was thinking out loud and talking to Cade (a.k.a. "Tud") and saying to him:

"Man Tuddy, I am so frustrated. I don't know if there are any syringes in here. Do you think I can find some?"

Tud's oh so honest reply was:

"Um, a cowboy could but you proly can't."

OK then - moving on. I ran back to my post as the "number logger" and reported to my brother and his wife that I was just schooled by their 2 yr old. Apparently you can only find what you need on the ranch if you're a cowboy. Duly noted by this "city slicker."

Can anyone out there top such a fashion offense???

Jamaica Me Crazy!!!

2008-08-03T21:07:00.012-07:00

Just for the record...I have been trying to post this blog for the past 4 days now. I realize this doesn't excuse that last 2 months that I haven't posted, but maybe will explain why I don't post more often. That being said...on with the blog material...

I am in a stage right now where I am looking for a new & improved life. Thus, while in contemplation of what my next move is; I figured - why not go to Jamaica w/ 2 of my girlfriends and ponder while basquing in the warm, blue Caribbean waters and where "everything going to be all right mon!" So, here's what I learned while in Jamaica:

#1: It is impossible to be bugged, depressed, or in any other foul mood when you arrive to your resort & the view from room is this:

#2: Who wouldn't be in even a finer mood when the ocean you will be immersing yourself in looks this blue and is actually warm?

#3: When going to Jamaica or any other Caribbean destination, go to Target, Walgreens, or any other drugstore of choice and stock up on those plastic inflatible rafts that are approximately $2.50 in the U.S. That way you don't have to pay $20 each for them at the resort.

#4: If you're really appalled at paying $20 for the above rafts, get yourself a lifeguard boyfriend who will sell you rafts off the black market for 50% of the original cost. Thanks to Dabrielle, we were able to score our rafts for $10 a piece.

#5: When you are fair skinned & blue eyed, be prepared to be acousted by the locals ALL THE TIME...with very genuine invitations to bring you back to their house so they can make you dinner. As pictured below, the guy who invited me to return to his humble abode for a "true" Jamaican meal...clearly the dude is a creep out because when asked to take a picture with me (my friend did the asking) he felt the need to pose w/ his hand on my stomach...WIERD!

#6: When staying at a resort, be prepared to meet many local men with rather interesting nicknames. For example, my friend Heather had a dude by the name of "Steam" who was rather taken with her charm. On the other hand, the local below went the name of "Slick." He asked that I please email him a copy of this picture, of which I will not abide. However, he apparently offers tours of various Jamaican points of interest. If any of you are interested, let me know. He gave me his business card "Slick Tours."

#7: Be prepared that no matter how much sunblock you apply, reapply, and then reapply again, you will come away with noticable sun scorch. Just go with it & save for laser skin treatment later.

#8: When choosing a carrier to jet you to the tropical region of the earth, choose one that partners with the Ritz Carlton just in case your return flight gets cancelled. After spending all day in a stuffy, humid airport with the other 140 displaced passengers, collecting our luggage, having to go through customs AGAIN - it makes you appreciate (as pictured below) room service meals, comfortable bed, and yet again ocean views that are all too surreal...

Is it too soon to go back??? I think I hear the warm waters calling my name...

ANNETTE-ITIS

2008-05-14T18:58:00.008-07:00

Maybe it's the fact that over the past 8 weeks I have been inundated with making invitations, planning birthday parties, baby showers, and preparing Relief Society lessons, but it's been a bit overwhelming. During my self evaluation periods, I wonder if this feeling of being over loaded is more self induced than anything. You see...I have this condition...I have inherited it from my mother and it has not only been passed on to me, but to my sister Adrianne as well. We're not sure what happened to the other 'Smart' siblings that seem to have bypassed this contagious epidemic, but I applaud them for escaping the nemesis. It's a condition I like to call "Annette-itis."

You know you have this condition if you find yourself preparing a Primary lesson on families and you decide that to illustrate this concept to the children you are teaching you will make them each a homemade doll. But wait, not just a doll representing them, but dolls representing each of their siblings. ABSOLUTE CRAZINESS!!! Or, you are given the task of making bridal shower invitations for your sister and even though you know you have to make 50 invites, you still go the elaborate route of grommets, 3 different kinds of paper, and endless printing which results in a midnight melt down where in your sister and your brother-in-law to be have to intervene and take over the project sending you to bed rather than committing you to the insane asylum of which may have been more appropriate. OR...it may also look like this:

A counter full of homemade sugar cookies because heaven forbid you pass out store bought cookies to the sisters in Relief Society

And then of course you have to package them just right so you can make a good impression

A shopping bag full of plastic Easter eggs all filled w/ the good kind of candy (not the gross kind) because you want to continue to win the prize of funnest, single Aunt a niece or nephew could ever have

Another elaborate invitation - this time for your brother's 30th surprise birthday party

Does this behavior warrant an intervention?

Transformation

2008-05-05T21:27:00.005-07:00

Seriously, I just had a wild hair (literally), obeyed my inner impulsiveness, and chopped my hair. Here are the before and after photos...

Before

And after...

Yes, if you look closely you will also see that I apparently had an inner punck voice I was listening to as well and decided to go with some purple "peek-a-boo" color in my new hair. I am having regrets; I really did like my long hair - but I was also really sick of it. Plus, I keep reminding myself that hair grows - mine grows fast - and so I should enjoy the summer cut. Right? Anyone? Anyone?

Am I delusional, crazy, need meds so I don't listen to the voices inside my head, or just roll with it & enjoy it?

Failed Pregnancy Test

2008-03-30T19:56:00.003-07:00

Due to the inability to say NO to my good friends, I have recently been roped in to becoming a test subject for grad students at ASU. These students are working on their MS in Nutrition and are doing a study on food and the relationship to activity levels (at least I think that's it.) I received an email from the advisor of the program begging for test subjects so that her students can graduate. Knowing that I can help someone further their education and get benefits from it sounded like a good idea to me.

The perks of the study allow you to get all of these really expensive tests done for free and they give you the read outs of your tests. One such test is a full body scan where they can tell things such as bone density, size of your bones, what your body fat percentage it (OK, I could TOTALLY do w/out this), etc. However, you CAN NOT be pregnant and have this test done as an x-ray like machine scans your entire body. Therefore, all females in the study must take a pregnancy test to prove they are not with child. I was no exception.

After having my height and weight taken, I was handed a little plastic pouch containing a pregnancy test inside. No directions mind you, just the verbal of "pee on the stick." OK, sounds easy enough - I can do this. Off to the bathroom I go, test in hand, and a bladder ready to burst. I urinate like no body's business all over the stick. I wait...I wait some more...a little bit longer and when nothing seems to be happening I decide to wash and dry myself and ask them if there is something I have done wrong. I walk outside the bathroom, stick in hand, and declare that nothing seems to be changing - no lines - thus I'm not sure if I used the right test procedure. The advisor of the students looks at me and says, "Oh, um you have to pull the purple part of the stick off and pee on the little white test strip." Are you freaking kidding me? So, of course I feel like a complete nimrod, but how the hell was I supposed to know? No directions, haven't taken a pregnancy test EVER in my life, and now I have an empty bladder.

I went back into the bathroom, gave it the ol' college try, but nothin'. After about 5 minutes of waiting, I gave up and went back outside. I told the advisor that nothing was happening therefore I wouldn't be able to give test results. However, I will attest to the fact that there is no way possible for me to be pregnant.

A signature later attesting to my claim and I am still in. Body scan done, and now I am an official guinea pig for the Nutrition Department at ASU. Lucky me...

Grandpa For Hire

2008-02-28T20:34:00.011-07:00

During a routine family photo shoot, the following occurred:

Photographer: "OK kids look over here" - that's our queue. Parents & aunts alike start chodeling at all children present w/ the same goal in mind; to get all 5 grandchildren ages 8 & younger to look at the camera at the same exact time with most amazing smiles ever. This is what we got instead:

One enthusiastic grandparent thinking he is being the most helpful grandpa ever and he joins in on the loving heckling from the by standers in the hopes of the same outcome. However, he has clearly forgotten that he is being photographed as well. Now the yelps have turned from children focused to adult focused "Dad! Stop! You are not helping the situation AND you are in these pictures. The grandchildren start looking at him instead of the wierdos making funny faces & noises behind the cute lady with the camera.

Oh - but it gets better. Clearly Grandpa isn't getting the concept as he continues to be what he sees as completely helpful. This is what we wound up with...

This is my most favorit one yet...let me translate the look on Gabe's face:

"My American abuelo is NUTS!"

But, then you wind up with pictures like these next two and you realize all of the banter was well worth it.

Oops...She did it again

2008-02-18T21:13:00.003-07:00

OK...So I know the whole Britney Spears I LOVE the paparazzi chasing me around, being admitted to the psych ward, thing is blown way out of porportion. However, while studying the latest issue of "Rolling Stone" while on my lunch break, I came across the most outstanding, couldn't be more true, should have been published WAAAAAAAY before now comment:

"Britney isn't America's sweetheart. She's an inbred swamp thing who chain
smokes, doesn't do her nails, and screams at people who want pictures"

So - here's to you author Vanessa Grigoriadis. Thank you for being a straight shooter & telling the public exactly like it is. Nothing like Amercia making an individual straight from the Louisiana swamp into a pop superstar who has a $10 million empire.

Thankful for my blessings...

2008-01-22T20:18:00.001-07:00

Sunday re-cap...we all for went going to church and instead went to Khloe's blessing that happened at Misty's parents house. Here are some cute pictures of the "blessed" event.

Khloe's dad Josh

Khloe's brother Colton and sister Kallie

(who knows where the other brother Cade was)

Khloe's mom Misty

Just some cute girls I know...

Oh wait...here's Cade - totally bugged that he has to take another picture

The Greatest Story Ever Told

2008-01-08T20:42:00.001-07:00

Yes, Christmas has come and gone once again. I always look forward to this special time of year and the traditions that get played out year after year knowing that my family will be together. This year was extra special as the whole entire Smart family was together for Christmas. There are a few posts to come of the joyous activities we spent doing together, but I have to start with this one. This is our first year attempt at the next generation of Smarts taking over the roles in the Nativity Story.

Meet Kallie. She is 5 yrs. old and was excited to make her debut performance as Mary, mother of Jesus. She is outfitted nicely, and wears a smile upon her face in the anticipation of making her theatrical debut.

Meet Cade. Clearly he is NOT happy about being a shepherd and continued to throw this tantrum until the blanket he is wearing as a costume was shed from his body.

These are wise men. This was the obvious choice since Mario & Gabe are of the exotic nature.

This is the Nativity post Tylenol PM and Khloe is also not thrilled to participate as baby Jesus.

I'm disappointed that this picture did not come out better. This is the one picture where all participants invloved were actually even tempered. The only way this was accomplished was by kicking Khloe out of the make shift manger and allowing Cade to fill in.

Oh happy times...it's great to have a new generation of Nativity participants as this yearly tradition occupies a substancial amount of my childhood memories.

The Return

2008-01-03T20:52:00.001-07:00

So, I would like to point out that in my absence and right at the beginning of the holiday craze, I was:

...MOVING!!! Definitely on the top 10 of most annoying, physically taxing, and all the way around tiring tasks in the world. However, my new digs are great & I promise to give you a pictorial tour in the very near future.

...making flower arrangements and putting the finishing touches on many other projects in order to get the house in tip top shape as quickly as possible. Thanks to my OCD tendencies, I can't rest in disorganized messes. I must have order and everything neat and tidy. This is my first real attempt at floral arranging. All said and done, I am quite proud of my results and am more than thrilled to have saved hundreds of dollars.

...decorating for Christmas. Here is my puny little Charlie Brown tree which at Home Depot seemed much more substantial until I brought it home and put it in my barren, waiting to be decorated living room. But, it was a lovely touch that added Holiday Spirit to our new home.

It was also decided that we would host our annual Christmas friend get-together since we had the new house (funny how that qualifies you to be nominated for a lot of things you were otherwise able to by pass in the past). I admit that one of my favorite things about the Holidays is the justifiable excuse to eat processed meat. So, my contribution to the party feast was none other than my favorite appetizer...

...Lil' Smokies

Here's a table view of the delectable samplings we feasted upon. That's Dabrielle at the head of the table and Kristen is to the left.

Announcing...

2007-11-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

...the arrival of my newest niece Khloe LaRae Smart. She is welcomed by mom, dad, Colton, Kallie, and Cade. I served as babysitter/auntie extraordinaire at home with Khloe's siblings while Khloe's mom, dad, and two grandmas were at the hospital anxiously awaiting her arrival. At around 3:00 p.m. on November 18, 2007 we welcomed Khloe into the world. She was 7lbs. 5 oz. 21 inches long. Here some pics of her first moments in the world.

Khloe LaRae Smart

Big brother Colton

Big sister Kallie

Mom and her girls

Cade checking out "baby doie"

Khloe's Nana & Grandpa

Sunday Tradition

2007-11-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

OK, so I know I promised more travel updating, but this blog just can't be put aside. I want to let all of you in on the weekly Sunday tradition that happens at the Smart household (where the mom & dad reside.) It usually consists of the following players: Me, Lindsay, Dave, & Annette. (For unknown reason Matthew mysteriously disappears during this hour of the night & won't join the crowd in the family room.) We gather at around 5:00 for the dinner portion of the evening and then we lead in to the family room for another rousing episode of "The Amazing Race."

I don't know how many of you are avid fans, or even a fan for that matter, but our family has become hooked in a serious way. Our game of Phase 10 was even pre empted for the show Sunday night; which to Lindsay's glee was not resumed (she was losing by a landslide.) Aside from the competitveness, humorous anecdotes, and world geography our father (aka Dave) proffers a commentary to be rivaled by the world's best orators. For example, during team introductions his commentary sounded something like this:

The hippie couple where the male is sporting a disgusting aray of dread locks:

Dave: "Oh yuck! She has no taste!"

The lesbian minister couple

Dave: "OH - THAT IS EVEN MORE DISGUSTING! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY LET THOSE DIKES ON THE SHOW!"

The blonde girls that resemble Malibu Barbies:

Dave: "Oh yeah...those girls have nice bodies and good attitudes. Boy, I do like their attitude."

Oh yes, this is but a mere sampling of the lively, energetic narrative that explodes out of the mouth of my father. For those of you seeking an entertaining time on Sunday evenings from 7:00 - 8:00 p.m. - you're more than welcome to attend. However, please know that you have been warned and that I nor my siblings accept any responsibility for offensive comments that make you feel uncomfortable. It's Dave - you just role with it.

The grandpa of the grandson/grandfather team decided to strip down to his unmentionables in order to give himself as much advantage as possible while pole vaulting across a canal.

Excuse #1

2007-11-08T20:41:00.001-07:00

My second trek to Argentina as the international mule extraordinare was a success. Seriously, after 12 hours in plane rides, excessive luggage which required an additional $100 to be paid at time of check in, swarms of natives begging for money, and your taxi being rear ended on your way to your hotel was all made worth it by the first live site of the ever adorable Gabe. Don't get me wrong, seeing Adrianne after so many months always brings tears to my eyes, but let's face it - adults will always get trumped by cute, cuddly, smiley babies. Especially when their auntie's biological clock is ticking and can't seem to get enough.

The trip was amazing - as Adrianne has already mentioned in her blog. I however will break down the trip into more detail as she has left many anecdotes out (most of which include Mario. He seriously makes me laugh - in a good way.)

We started out in Buenos Aires where I continue to give the tango dancers props. In this trip I witnessed a woman dancing in the middle of the square in San Telmo all by herself until a kind, tango dancing gent joined her. I also send out snaps to the wrinkly, old woman who is not afraid to sport fish net hose, red pumps, and red lipstick well into what I can only guess is her late 80's. However, since I scouted Bs. As. pretty intensely my first visit, we only stayed about 24 hrs. and then took to the bus to Rosario to join the Reseks.

Sweet Baby Gabe

Heather peaking around to the front of our seriously overloaded taxi

Adrianne's pose in front of Mr. Estrada as the last name Estrada evokes joyous childhood memories of watching CHiPs (aka Eric Estrada who played Ponch)

The incredibly brave (or delusional depending on how you look at it) woman dancing solo in

San Telmo Square

You go girl...

My incredibly ugly, swollen, the dye rubbed off my jeans feet after our first day

Excuse Note

2007-11-08T17:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Fellow Bloggers:

Please excuse Ashley from her long absence of blogging as she has recently beeng juggling late night visits from men in loin cloths, work travel to Utah, and most recently a 10 day stint visiting her sister and new nephew in Argentina. She is re-committing to her blog and will promptly bring her family, friends, and fellow sports fans up to date. If you have already "de-linked" her from your blog, she passes on no ill will but hopes that the blog break up is not permanent.

Sincerely,

Phantom Blogress

Kat, Me, and Page in UT

Dabrielle (co-worker/friend) & I posing on Main St. Park City

Jail Break

2007-09-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Meet Cade...19 mos. old, ALL boy, and clearly very cute. I received a call a few days ago from Cade's mom (Misty) where she relayed her horrifying experience. The night before, Cade was put to bed in his very own room, in his very own crib, with his very own sippy cup. A few minutes later, Cade's mom heard a big thud and went upstairs to find her toddler playing on his bedroom floor. The mom thought "Aha! I will show him! I will lower the crib to make the sides higher so he won't be able to crawl out." So, Cade went through round 2 of his mom putting him to bed. After being in his crib a total of 5 minutes, Cade thought "I'll show my mom how tricky I am. She may have made the sides of my crib higher, but she made the bottom of my crib lower to the ground. I bet if I try hard enough, I can slide between the mattress and the crib sides and make it out onto my floor. Eureka! I did it!" Exhausted, exhasperated, and at her wits end - the mom hauled Cade downstairs into her room and made a bed for him on her floor. It was a successful night - a great sleep! Cade's mom woke up in the morning, looked on the floor where she had put her toddler to sleep the night before, but he wasn't there. She looked all around the room, but at 8 months pregnant getting down on her hands and knees were a little out of the question. In her frantic state, she enlisted the help of Cade's older brother, Colton, and sister, Kallie. The search was on...all through the house, outside where he could be anywhere on their vast 10 acres, and still no Cade. Just as the mom was ready to call in the Vernon Police Force, Colton calls out - "I found him mom!" There he was safe and sound underneath her bed behind the nightstand that her 8 month pregnant belly prohibited her from locating. The End.

Still sound asleep - Cade had no idea of the frenzy all around involving him.

This picture has nothing to do with the story, just that I LOVE my little buddy and it's very validating that he will take his mom her cell phone and say "Ashee, Ashee" and he doesn't stop until he gets to call me.

This Just In...

2007-09-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if any of my faithful readers have seen this or not,
but I am blogging about this as I just can't pass it up. Apparently, being a returned LDS missionary provides you the opportunity to audition for "Mormons Exposed" pin up calendar. Here is one such picture...please feel free to browse the web site and check out all 12 that made the cut for the 2008 calendar http://mormonsexposed.com/ However, the calendar is NOT the appalling part for me. Apparently, this story is news worthy enough to make it on 12 News - the NBC affiliate here in Phoenix.

Now, if I was still living in Salt Lake City, I would not be surprised that this story would be given air time because I am sure it would be such a scandel that most Utahns wouldn't know how to handle themselves. However, there are more people within the city limits of Phoenix than there is in the whole state of Utah. For more reading pleasure, here is the story on the calendar http://www.azcentral.com/12news/news/articles/ldscalendar0910-CR.html. I would like to point out the mighty justification as to why these young men put this calendar together, “You have five thousand wives or you’re inbred. Those are all the things people would poke fun at us.” Yes, I am sure posing in a calendar "exploding with sexuality" will dispel all those Mormon myths.

Tag Info

2007-09-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

I have been stressing about this blog all day long...enough is enough and I am now confronting the inevitable. Here goes nothin...

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:

Living in Salt Lake City for almost a year
Applying to the University of Utah so I could start in January '98
Working 2 jobs - office in the day - COSTCO @ night
Being the ward organist (most disasterous calling to date)
Preparing for my 24th birthday b/c I thought I was getting old

5 Things On My To-Do List Today:

Return items to Target and Old Navy
Vacuum the downstairs
Write this blog
Watch "The Hills"
Lay out by the pool in 115 degree heat & finish my book

5 Favorite Snacks:

Corn dogs from Sonic (borderline disgusting I know)
Roasted almonds (you can 12 for 2 Weight Watcher's Points)
Diet Coke (does that count as a food???)
Graham crackers w/ frosting
Fresh, ripe, yummy peaches that are so full of juice they drip down your arms

5 Songs I Know All The Lyrics To:

The Sound of Music soundtrack
"Inspiration" by Chicago
"Rodeo" by Garth Brooks (don't ask - just know that I am a really fun Auntie)
"Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix Alot
"Open Arms" by Journey

5 Things I'd Do If I Had $1,000,000

Buy a house
Give my sister Allison the money she needs for In Vitro
Have a large travel fund
Live in London for an undetermined amount of time
Buy myself a great diamond ring

5 Bad Habits

My addiction to trashy reality TV
Sleeping another 30 minutes after my alarm goes off
Going home after work instead of the gym
Thinking it's my responsibility to let people know when they're being ridiculous, annoying, and otherwise inappropriate
Not being more patient with people

5 Styles I Will NEVER Wear Again

Shoulder pads (especially the ones my mother continues to safety pin in her shirts that she's had since 1980)
Baby doll outfits
All the clothes I wore on my mission (need I say anything else???)
Those stupid peg legged jeans & the multi-colored scrunch socks you wore w/ them
White pantyhose w/ black shoes

5 Favorite Toys

Digital camera
My car - I can't stand NOT being mobile
I-Pod
TV
My cell phone

5 People Tagged

Mindy Udall
I don't have 4 more friends w/ blogs so I gues it's up to Mindy to pass it along to as many people as possible - Thanks Mindy!

Food, Folks, & Fun

2007-09-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

Last Saurday night (Sept. 1 to be exact) I dined with my fun friends at an amazing authentic Spanish restaurant called Pepin. The excuse (as if we needed one) was to celebrate Annice's birthday as well as to venture out and try a new restaurant. The food was yummy - especially the Dulce de Leche cheesecake we had for dessert - and the entertainment fabulous. I have never been to Spain, but I understand that the Flamenco dancers that snapped their castenettas (?) that night are the real deal. Not bad for only having to drive to Scottsdale versus a plane ticket to Spain. On the other hand...experiencing a taste of the culture has made us all salivate with desire to hop the next plane & make Spain our next travel adventure.

Front to back - Left to Right (Heather, Dabrielle, Annice, & me)

PMS Band-aids

2007-08-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

So, having a really rough night (OK, during the day too) of PMS. I know my PMS is getting bad when I'm feeling like "rage in cage" is going on inside of me and when I want to rip the head off of anyone who is bugging me. It seems as though I will be doing fine and then WHAM! the PMS hits and the next couple of days I declare myself toxic - which for some reason I dilude myself into thinking that actually owning up to my PMS state & being honest about it is somehow honorable.

My roommate greeted me when I got home tonight and she asked me how my day was. I matter of factly declared that "I'm pissy and don't know why. I'm pretty sure it's PMS (then I pulled out my calendar, counted out the days, and of course I was right.)" Her only comment was "I'm scared." Well damn it! She should be! I scare myself sometimes! So, is it an wonder that she just turns a blind eye as I down a Weight Watchers meal so I don't feel suicidal after I mix up a cake and proceed to just eat the batter until I am sick?! And - to add insult to injury - she sits on the couch recovering from her latest lipo surgery - to this I declare 'Bitch!'

International Mule Service

2007-08-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

To your right you will see a picture of an Amish Mule
Team. Seeing as how I have been dubbed the international mule service for my darling sister Adrianne who has chosen to reside in Argentina, I am fast approaching the time where I need to expand from a single mule to a team of mules.

Recent conversation between sisters:

Ade: So, my husband has a new business idea and it involves you

Ash: What is it?

Ade: He's come up with the idea that we should do chocolate fountains at weddings - and guess what your part is?

Ash: Um...go to the weddings?

Ade: (laughing) Um no...it would be carting the fountain over here when you come in October.

Ash: What???

(here's where it gets really good...)

Ade: Don't worry - I think I have talked my husband out of the 100 lb. fountain and you will be bringing one much more manageable.

Ash: What!?!? (my volume has gone considerably up) There is no FREAKING way I am hauling a 100 lb. chocolate fountain to Argentina. There are limits to what this international mule will do - and a 100 lb. chocolate founatin is just that! You tell Mario it is OUT OF THE QUESTION! I thought the Kitchen Aid was bad - this would definately top it!

Please all you faithful bloggers that are aquainted with both parties...I need support in the international mule business. Doesn't anyone have plans to schlep down south anytime, ever again??? And, are willing to take parts of a 100 lb. chocolate fountain????

Some Things I Think Are Wonderful

2007-08-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, in Oprah's vain, I thought I would return to blogging with a few photos of things I think are great. In order to be classified into the "great" category, the item/person/action must make me smile and otherwise appeal to my senses. So, here you go:

My latest pedicure adventure. Look closely, you will see an intricate argyle design hand painted - no stickers here! And, for an added bonus, the handpainting was just as cheap as a pedicure at my regular place.

Little boys who ride their rockin' horse as if they were cowboys in the wild, wild, west

My Michael Kors "Cha-Chi" shoes that my roommate found for me at Nordstrom Rack for only $35 bucks...she is such a good friend

5 year old girls who dress themselves - complete w/ their favorite pair of "high heels"

My cute nephew Cade w/ his navy blue Vans on

The lamp shade I just made for my friend Mindy's newly re-done guest room

Tan Lines

2007-07-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

It's summer time - we all have tan lines. Could be from the watch you wear everyday to the more exotic "I was in San Diego all weekend and I just laid on the beach." However, I witnessed a tan line that - quite simply - supercedes all others. I was running some errands on Saturday afternoon and happened to drive by a bus stop. There, perched on the bench awaiting a ride from public transportation, was a man with only his jeans on - no shirt. Now, this is not the peculiar part of the site - it's that he had a tan line in the shape of a WIFE BEATER! Now, I live in Arizona where temperatures lately have been in the 110's. It is too freaking hot for any human being to be out for extremem periods of time let alone enough time for this man to get a tan line from wearing his wife beater out in public. Which leads me to believe that the man sports his undershirt and thinks it should pass for an acceptable article of clothing. Stacy London & Clinton Kelly of "What Not To Wear" fame need to hunt this man down and educate him on appropriate attire!

Project Bathroom...

2007-07-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

...this is what I have done w/ myself this weekend. I have been chastised by Adrianne that I need to update more often - yes, I know. So, I am making a pledge to you all right now that I will be much more on the ball & keep you better "blogged" w/ my thoughts, ideas, latest projects, travels, etc. Thus, here you have before & after pictures of our downstairs bathroom. My roommate (Heather) and I spent Friday night and a large portion of Saturday involving ourselves in a multi-step process to re-do our downstairs bathroom. The inspiration came from a $7 frame Heather bought in Guatamala last October - she just needed my pushing & will power to get it done. The frame is now the bathroom mirror & it looks fabulous. I would like all to note that I installed the bathroom light fixture all on my own - another "Smartha" accomplishment. This is but one of the many decorating projects that I have involved myself in lately; which, as most of you know, I am obsessed with.

before #1 - totally white & totally boring

before #2

Ta Da!!! The "after" makes all the manual labor worth it

We textured the walls w/ dry wall mud & put cut out embossed Fleur de Leis design wallpaper in the mud. Then we painted over the walls followed by rubbing glaze all over as well. This is a close up of what the walls in the bathroom now look like.

The bathroom light fixture I'm awfully proud of myself for installing

Spills R NOT Thrills

2007-07-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

OK...so I realize that it's really only my family members (because they have known me their whole lives) are the ones that will understand the significance of this blog, but of course I think everything I have to say is entertaining so I hope all who stop by will at least find some humor.

That being said, I don't know what it is, but I have been such a clutz my entire life. I am one of those persons that will be walking along minding their own business one minute, and the next I will be on the ground. Case in point - I am walking out of work on Monday night listening to my phone messages. I am walking through the parking lot - even surfaced asphalt - and the next thing I know I am down for the count in the middle of the parking lot looking at a scraped up knee (see photo.) And - let's not forget - the mother of all clumsiness on my behalf - the kick boxing incident of last September where I wound up with a spiral break in my right ankle that has left me permanently with a plate, 7 pins, and a lovely 4 inch scar up my leg (see other photo). My list could go on and on, and I am sure that I wouldn't even begin to remember all of my less graceful moments in life. However, my question is DOES IT EVER END??? I am a (nearly) 34 year old woman that still has what I term "playground episodes at recess." These things happen to the 8 year old girl in pig tails playing at recess w/ all of her friends - NOT ME! Then, as though reality does not want me to forget, I am met yet again with another humbling, tumbling experience.

Scar on ankle - post kick boxing accident

My knee post wipe out in the parking lot

Heads Carolina - Tails California

2007-07-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

Not really sure how the whole thing started, but it's lasted. You see - Curtis is what is deemed as"the big brother I never had." It all began one Utah autumn eve when I went into Costco Wholesale to interview for a job. Curtis had the dubious job of interviewing me, hiring me, and also being my boss. My first impressions of Mr. Harms were that he was more than a little full of himself, but as time wore on we became friends. He was the one showing up on my door step late at night w/ a huge tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream after I had a really, really bad day, dance on top of the filing cabinet inside the vault @ Costco just to get me to laugh, as well as poke me with a fork exclaiming "You are done!" when referencing the current boy I was dating (which of course no one was ever good enough). Life has trampled on finding Curtis in North Carolina with his wife, two kids (Meghan & Trevor), and Emily their 16 year old Dalmation. One commonality that continues to exist between Curtis & I is our love for roller coasters. Thus, we spent the day at South Carolina's Carrowinds Amusement Park and relived the thrill of speed, jerky roller coasters, and the liberating feeling of screaming at the top of our lungs.

And They're Off...

2007-06-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

So - many of you know that I have been going through a delayed adolesence experience otherwise known as adult orthodontics. After nearly 3 years of treatment - it's amazing to me how these pearly whites look. Better yet - it's such a nice feeling to eat food and know that you have not stored another meal in the metal brackets adorning my enamel. Thus, in celebration of such a life event, I believe that it is my duty to indulge in all foods that abstained from during my reign as an obediant patient. So please, everyone, bring on the caramel popcorn, toffee, cheetos, and anything else gooey that would otherwise be an orthodontic nightmare (who cares if it's swim suit season!)